at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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