it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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