I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
