you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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