i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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