if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
