you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
