Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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