Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just googled if crying burns calories
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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