I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
