She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
