I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
