Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
