kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
