dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
