He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
