i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
