So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
