I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
did you just send me my own nude
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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