And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
