ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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