At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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