I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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