We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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