Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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