you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
