omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
