Where is the hickey?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
