Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
