I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
