dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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