chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
