We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
