why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
