When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
