All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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