i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
A+ Viking dick
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
