I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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