I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
