I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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