If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
