so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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