another moral hangover. fuck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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