is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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