New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
