i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
