she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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