No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
