I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
