I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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