She is in my trunk
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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