R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
