yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
