some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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