Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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