I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
